Wildly Uncomfortable Public Transportation Stories

– So if you get a bug bite
on the train it could be a little mosquito bite or
a near death experience. Happy Riding! (instrumental music) – So I take the bus to
work every single day and a couple weeks ago it rained in LA. Which is a rare event here. And I got on the bus, it was pretty empty. I picked a seat towards the back and a few minutes in I notice a smell. It’s not a good smell. And I start to look around. There are only about two
other people there with me and it’s not coming from either of them. I’m not sure where it’s coming. So I sit for a few seconds
thinking about this and then I notice my butt is wet. So I stand up kind of in shock
and try to convince myself that it’s just rain water. That wasn’t rain water. It was definitely pee. I was sitting in a strangers pee. On the bus. Turning around is not
an option at this point. It’s gonna take like
an hour to get to work. The only thing I can do is go to Target that’s close to work and get pants. So I went to Target and got
new pants, new underwear, baby wipes, and a bottle of whiskey. Just to console myself because
it was eight o’clock in the morning and this is
no way to start your day. It was the longest commute of my life. – I was on the bus going
back to my dad’s house with my two sisters in San Francisco. My two sisters got off the bus
when we made it to the stop but then I got like caught
behind for some reason and this man just enters
the bus and he’s like shaking and like kind of falling over. He’s clearly drunk and
he’s really really smelly. Like I got a big whiff of him. He’s coming close to me and
he’s still falling over. And he just goes like (blop). He just like smears his hand on my face like if I was a pole or
something to hold on to. Holds it for like three, four seconds and just walks right by. Unfazed, completely unfazed. And I was just like. (horror music) I got off the bus and I started
screaming at my sisters. I was like gimme the keys to the house. Gimme the keys to the house. My sisters were cracking up. They thought it was the
most hilarious thing because I am a huge germaphobe. I went into the bathroom and
I took the rubbing alcohol and I rubbed it all over my face. And then I went to grab the
dish soap because hand soap is not gonna clean my face enough. Took the dish soap and I washed my face with it like two times. If a drunk man is coming
on the bus and you see he’s coming towards your way. Run! Because he might use your
face to stabilize himself. – I went up to San Francisco
to visit one of my best friends and we were going to the ferry building and we decided to take
the bus to get there. But before we got on the
bus, we had a few mimosas. So I was like a little
tipsy on this bus ride. And we were standing up holding
on to the little rope thing you hold on to and I had this
little purse over my shoulder. Wasn’t really paying much attention. Then like two stops later
a ton of people got off and after all this huge rush
of people got off this woman who had been sitting down
kind of near where we were standing was like “Oh, excuse
me ma’am, I think someone “might have taken your
wallet out of your purse.” And she said it so calmly that I almost didn’t really believe her. I was like, “what”? And then sure enough I
like look in my purse and my wallet is not in there anymore. And she’s like “That guy that’s
like just getting off, like “about to walk off the
bus took your wallet.” And normally like soberly I think I would have just been like “Well shit, what do I do I guess “I don’t have my wallet anymore”, but because I was a little tipsy and had this liquid courage, I just walked right off
the bus and followed this guy and I was like
“Hey! You stole my wallet! “Give it back to me!” And he’s like “No I didn’t, no I didn’t, “what are you talking about?” And then he just dropped my wallet on the ground and like ran away. It was so weird but I just
like picked up my wallet and all of the people on the
bus had totally been watching this whole thing go down. So when I got back on the bus
they were all like “Yeah!” Like cheering for me that
I got my wallet back. And then it was so weird. We just kinda went on our way and it was sort of like nothing happened. – So it’s the summer after
my junior year of college. I’m using public transportation
every day for the first time and I’m sitting there per the usual. I don’t like to get in anyone’s way, so I like tuck in my
feet under the benches. Great idea. And I feel something tickle
my ankle and I look down and I see like a mosquito flying away. I’m like “Oh great, I
got a mosquito bite.” For the next couple of
days I don’t feel too well but I didn’t overthink it. Suddenly on the second
night as I’m going to bed I put my phone on my nightstand. And right before I put my
phone down I have lock jaw and then I start shaking violently. And then next thing I know,
I’m projectile vomiting into the trash can, on
my walls, everywhere. And I pass out. The next thing I know, I wake
up to my 4:00 a.m. alarm. I go to work, I don’t overthink it because for some reason I feel good again. So I go to my boss casually
tell him “I’m not feeling too “well, maybe it’s because
of this mosquito bite I got “a couple days ago.” And he looks at me and he says “Jasmine, that’s not a
mosquito bite, you need to go “to urgent care and get that checked out.” And good thing because I go to urgent care the nurse sits me down and she goes “You’ve been bitten by
a brown recluse spider, “one of the most poisoned
spiders in the country.” What? And I was loaded up on antibiotics and I had a great night with my friends. On Facetime. So yeah, public transportation is fun or deadly. (mariachi music)